I'm currently in the middle of turning over a new leaf. But man, is it a heavy leaf. In short, I'm spring cleaning my life. It started with wanting to clean/declutter my apartment, then turned into wanting to begin a workout routine, but deciding more than working out, I need a whole lifestyle revamp when it comes to my health. And I also need to focus more on committing to writing every day... and getting my business going. Oh yeah, I'm starting a business. We have lots to catch up on :)
I wouldn't normally share this sort of thing until I knew what the outcome was going to be, but I like the idea of putting it out there and having this sort of abstract accountability. It's also a way for me to track my progress.
As for the decluttering... I've started reading, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It's no joke. I'm going to be parting with a whole lot of "stuff" over the next little while... but that's the point. In the little I've done so far, I already feel like a weight's been lifted. I can't wait to get to work on the rest of my apartment. I have this friend who never owns more than she can't sell in a day and buy a ticket halfway around the world for some adventure or another. While I don't think I'll go that far, I am beginning to see the appeal.
I've also begun attempting yoga over the last several weeks. I can't really say that I do yoga yet, because ... well if you saw me you'd understand, but I have been noticing a few improvements. I'd also heard somewhere a long the way that hula hooping could be a good work out and good for core strengthening, which would in turn potentially help me with yoga.
Cue hula hoop purchase.
I had a bit of a rough go of it yesterday. The hoop is heavy duty and I haven't quite mastered it. The result was some bruising on my shins. That alone wouldn't have been so bad, but while using resistance bands after the hoop disaster, one snapped back and hit me right in the face. It was a comedy of errors y'all. I seriously wish you could've seen me. Needless to say, I went back to the good old reliable treadmill. BUT I am not giving up. At 29 years old, I am determined to master the hoop.
There's about a 7% chance all this new is my way of procrastinating my writing projects. I'm SO good at that, but I think I'll go with it being a new leaf because I'm also making space to focus solely on my writing. I have a few irons in that proverbial fire and it just feels like it's time. Time to go for it. Time to stop stalling because I'm afraid of putting my work out into the universe. It's been half a year since I read my work in front of a public audience in Nashville and while that was a huge step in the right direction for me. I took a few steps back over the last several months.
I know 2016 was kind of the year everyone was ready to see come to a close, but the first few months of 2017 were pretty heavy for a lot of people I know. There's been death, heartache, pain, uphill battles, and personal challenges.
I'm learning more than ever this year, that nothing is a guarantee. My perception of people's lives is only that. And just because you've suffered once, doesn't mean some kind of quota's been filled and you won't suffer again. I truly thought I would have learned that by now.
My word this year is "surrender." I felt God whisper that word to me sometime between the end of last year and the beginning of this one. I thought I knew what it meant, what I had to work on, but I keep finding new meaning in the word, in the practice. I've come to realize I've let myself dwell too long in that place of negativity and darkness. I do well in that place and I don't know why. Some of my best writing comes from that place. For me sadness has always been the easy thing. It's happy that's been hard. And that's what I'm working on surrendering to God right now.
So that's why the new leaf. The reset. The over sharing. I'm ready to do things differently. To start living differently. To go after life in a way I never have before. And it's new and it's scary and there are moments I'm going to get my feelings hurt and the resistance band of life might come back to smack me in the face. But it's worth it. Because right after I actually got hit in the face yesterday... once I got over the shock... I laughed. I laughed loud and for a long time. And that's the balance I need to find... that balance between pain and joy.
Happy weekend, friends. I hope yours is filled with joy and laughter, enough to balance whatever hardships you're facing right now.
Xo,
Lauren
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